Life is like a dance, and men are expected to lead. Men who can’t initiate and lead are considered unattractive and won’t get anything. Thus the responsibility is on the male to learn how to initiate and lead if he desires to achieve any success in life especially with the opposite gender.
Woke feminists can complain about gender roles being a social construct all they want, but the reality is that men and women are held to completely different standards.
Although men hold women to higher standards when it comes to physical beauty and feminine traits like being positive, agreeable, and nurturing, women hold men to significantly higher standards when it comes to confidence, leadership, status, intelligence, personality, humor, success, and money. A woman I once spoke to summed it up best when she said she wanted a man who was “better than her”.
Just like in dance, a man must have the confidence to initiate and the ability to lead if he wishes to have any success.
Initiating is just the act of approaching – a strict function of confidence. Of course there is some minor technique as well (eg. don’t approach from behind, proper body language), but ultimately it’s the result of having the confidence to approach. Most men are terrified of rejection due to primal instincts and ego preservation, and this can only be overcome through desensitization.
Leading means carrying the conversation, exchanging contact information, planning the date, and escalating. There is a lot to it, but ultimately it comes down to having the confidence to express oneself freely, and showing intent without conveying neediness.
“Game” is the catchall word used to refer to the study of seduction, but I would argue that beyond the basics of knowing how to lead, “game” just amounts to having charisma – which is the result of being socially liberated and interesting.
A lot of what holds men back is lack of confidence and bad habits not conducive to their own success.
Shyness for example is a lack of confidence coupled with the habit of not talking. A shy person might claim to be confident and justify their shyness by claiming that they don’t see a point in talking – and to an extent this is justifiable because not everyone feels the need to talk the same amount, and that is ok. But 99% of men who don’t talk much will struggle to attract 99% of women – the 1% of men who don’t struggle being celebrities and male models, and the 1% of women being the minority of women who are more leading and don’t mind shy guys. (yes I pulled these numbers out of my ass, but you get the point).
It is generally more conducive for men to talk when a woman is more passive in conversation (as often as is the case particularly in the beginning before the woman is attracted), and thus the shy man would find it advantageous to talk more in such situations – getting in the habit of saying whatever is on their mind, as well as simply improving their conversational skills. A shy person will find the process of forcing themself to talk more highly unnatural at first, as if they are not being “themselves”, but ultimately this will result in greater conversations, greater attraction from the other side, and greater success.
As a naturally shy guy, I initially resisted the idea of talking a lot. It felt extremely unnatural and forced. But ultimately I realized the benefits of it (in the appropriate moments), and thus turned it into a habit so that it is now natural for me. Now my perspective is that talking is just being unfiltered, sharing, connecting, and adding to the fun. People are attracted to socially free and fun people, so it is more advantageous to being that than some stifled boring guy. It will feel unnatural at first, and you will screw up (eg. talking too much about boring stuff in inappropriate instances, going too far and offending), but overtime you will correct and improve as you accumulate feedback.
I used to be very careful with offending people, but I’ve realized that saying that honest thing that I previously would’ve thought was off-limits often leads to the most interesting conversations and the most fun. And when you say what you find most fun, then naturally you channel that fun, positive energy. The passive follower is a mirror to the leader’s energy.
A lot of being a man is just going after what you want. For me it felt selfish at first, but one should be selfish in the sense of going after what one wants. For example you should major in whatever subject you want, pursue whatever career path you want, and pursue a relationship with whoever you want. Of course pursuing your self-interest does not entitle you to anything, and you should be considerate of others, but by all means live your life how you want so long as you are not harming others. An outspoken socially liberated man who goes after what he wants is more attractive and happier than a shy guy who does whatever he thinks society wants him to do and doesn’t approach or say anything interesting because he’s afraid of offending people and afraid what others might think.
Regarding social liberation – Once I was with an interesting friend of mine who never says no to any challenge, and he accidentally took us on the wrong subway train. He was really mad at himself for making that mistake, so I jokingly told him to apologize to the train. Instinctively I thought that if he actually did this, the train passengers would be annoyed for having their peace destroyed, ignore him, roll their eyes, and think he’s crazy. In reality what happened is that practically everyone smiled and laughed. After apologizing, he had some fun and introduced me to the train, and people actually responded “hi Jeremy” while smiling. Afterwards I told my friend that I was so shocked at how positive the reaction was, and he responded by saying simply that people like socially free people.
So to summarize, men must adopt masculine traits like leadership and decisiveness in order to achieve success in courtship.
Women of course can also benefit from these same traits, it’s just that men are held to a significantly higher standard regarding these traits. Whereas these traits are at most nice-to-haves for women, for men they are absolutely mandatory if a man wants any shot at courting the opposite gender and being respected in a relationship.
J. Savage 